rise and root

***

~*~*~*~



The Flame Haired Solstice Dreamer

Cold winter brings the Everfrost and jewels every tree
In a forest new as birth and old as old can be
A flame~haired dreamer wanders there and shelters from the wind
And spins her dreams around the trees to break the ties that bind
She takes her thread and spins anew and how the Greenwood smiles
As she spins a spell for freedom and for her spirit Wylde

The dreamer finds an ancient oak and shelters in his lee
In a forest new as birth and old as old can be
Tis summer now and birdsong weaves its magick through her spells
And humming bees drum drowsily in the foxglove's bells
The dreamer sits beneath the oak with yarn upon her knee
And spins and knits and weaves her dreams and sets her spirit free

***
"When birds fall from the sky and the animals are dying, a new tribe of people...shall come unto the earth from many colors, classes, creeds, who by their actions and deeds shall make the earth green again. they will be known as the warriors of the Rainbow"

Hopi Prophecy

~myalgic encephalomyelitis~

i thought i would put up this link for you to give those of you who were kind enough to ask about m.e.

from about 1997 to 2000 i had two episodes of flu~the first i had ever had.
the second bout was really bad and even now i cannot remember a whole week of this episode i was so poorly.
i was diagnosed with m.e in early 2005 after a run of colds, ear and sinus infections. i feel i had been 'not right' since my two bouts of flu and i feel these and the following ear/sinus infections all attributed to my m.e

m.e is different for each person, but the general indicators are an extreme tiredness/feeling weary, painful/aching joints and muscles...its an endless list really and it changes from day to day, hour to hour. you can wake up feeling okay but by lunchtime you can find yourself utterly exhausted and can do no more.

these are my particular symptoms~

*painful joints and muscles...often the soles of my feet really hurt and burn, hence my Birkenstocks!
*weariness/tiredness, it is not like just feeling tired, this is all consuming where you think you cannot move a single muscle and even talking is exhausting
*poor short term memory and confusion~this is why i spend so much time on my studies and why it is such an achievement for me. somtimes i give up reading, one day last week it took me over half an hour to read one page! i gave up!
*very poor sleeping patterns-it is impossible to keep a regular sleeping pattern no matter how hard i try and so i have just learnt to live with it. i can have a great nights sleep but wake up totally exhausted~there is no escape!
*increased headaches and migraines
*odd bouts of tummy bugs that come and go with their own will
*general flu like symptoms like sore throats and the sniffles
*being in crowds makes me feel all anxious and confused-i think its probably because of the noise and movement around me
*sensitive to sound and light
*dizzy spells
*i find conversations difficult as i forget words in the middle of sentences-i don't so much forget them but cannot find the right word for what i am trying to say. i know what it is but cannot get it out. poor swampy has had many conversations with me saying '...its round...you know...round...you put food on it...' it sounds quite funny thinking it and writing it out but its quite embarrassing when i meet new people.
*loss of spatial awareness, that is why i no longer drive
*my spelling has become quite odd, its almost as if i have become dyslexic and because of the pains i have i try not to hand write anything~hooray for spell check (maybe i should have written this post without useing spellcheck!)

as i said i am sure the assorted viral infections (plus two bouts of very severe depression) had something to do with my m.e and certainly since my swine flu in august my symptoms have become much worse again.
i find it hard to plan ahead for i never know how i am going to be and every time i go out, even just down into the village, i know i will struggle after a short period.
this is why having a camper van is so important for us~it means i can get out and about to new places and not have to worry too much about being overly active when i am there. i can sit and enjoy the views, enjoy just being away and not worry i should be struggling to do things.
i push myself more than i should~even doing the vaccuming wears me out but i feel i have to do something, to not feel so useless and feeble~but its a vicious circle because it makes me so exhausted!

i try not to drone on about it much on here, i just feel people do not want to hear my every ache and pain and i suppose this is a place for me where i am normal. a place where i can exist without the list above.
the most frustrating this is, is that m.e is quite an invisible illness. only swampy really knows how to monitor how i am feeling, he knows all the little things that say 'okay, enough is enough.stop now'.
to many people i look like a regular healthy person and i have had many people say to me 'oh but you look alright though' or 'oh but it will go away'...i smile sweetly and grit my teeth and think 'spend a day in my body and you wont be saying that!'

so my lovely bloggers, that is my take on m.e and how it is with me~i hope this has helped you know and understand a very peculiar illness!

and now i am going to try to stay up and watch 'the matrix-reloaded' film-its 9pm so its highly unlikely~hoorah for being able to record it!

7 comments:

Mel said...

Aha! Thank you...as I was reading your description I was thinking..hmmm, sounds like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome -- which is what it's known most often as over here -- then I followed your link and it is indeed the same thing...

What a trial for you....I worked with a girl who had it and although she managed most days, sometimes it was all she could do to sit up never mind clean a barn....:(

(((((hugs))))) and thanks for sharing that.....

~strength to you~

miss*R said...

thanks tons for this.. how do they test for it.. is it the same as chronic fatigue? I had glandular fever 9 yrs ago and was diagnosed with Chronic fatigue.. which of course many people don't believe is real.. but I have ALL the same symptoms as you. I just don't feel right or well.

dubgirl said...

thank you for sharing that, i must admit, I knew little about ME and i didnt realise the symptoms were so far reaching. I guess you have to take each day as it comes, take care x

Rose said...

Mine followed on from two bouts of glandular fever that took over most of my teenage years. The thing that really helped me was a really odd sort of electro acupuncture / homeopathy. She used currents on acupuncture points passed through different substances (for allergies) or samples of different bugs (for viruses) to see how my body responded. based on my bodies response she gave me slowly increasing homeopathic doses of the virus I had.

I know she trained on the continent and I have never come across this sort of treatment before. Neither had my Mum who is a herbalist. It would mean a little travel but if ever you want the number... I think a relative of her father does it to and I think he might be closer to you but I am not sure....

Mel said...

Miss*R - YES, I hear you...many people over here don't believe that Chronic Fatigue Syndrome exists...I've even heard it called Chronic Laziness Syndrome by some unenlightened individuals!! It's a very cruel thing to dismiss such an obviously debilitating disease...I watched my co-worker struggle with it and my heart ached for her because she truly wanted to just 'do things' but her body simply wouldn't allow it...

Laoi - you are a super-hero...as is anyone who lives with it...

xo

Eileen said...

While I continue to read my favourite blogs, my m.e. has acted up so much during the past few months, that I haven't the strength to continue with my own. Going back to school has been most challenging and doing planning, report cards etc. has taken me sooooo much longer to complete. I'm having an awful time witth my feet as well....new orthotics and some Josef Seibel's have helped but only somewhat...hope your Birkenstocks help......enjoy the ride in your new camper....

JuliaB said...

Sounds like hell. Poor you :( xx

All things share the same breath~the beast, the tree, the man, the air shares its spirit with all the life it supports.



Chief Seattle






Johney Gaul~1915

Johney Gaul~1915
1890-17 september 1918~France