~samhain blessings my lovlies~

So today is a time to visit with the ancestors, a time when the veil between the worlds is thin.

 

I took an early walk in the woods behind my tiny cottage to spend time with the ancestors of the land. I think the schools are no longer on half term but I didn't fancy hearing the distant shieking of children through the woods today. Instead I met wih a few locals, two walking their dogs and one man asking me if I had passed his pigs. Yes 'normal for the New Forest' as we are in pannage season, where the pigs are let out to enjoy the fall of acorns. This year the glut of acprns are so good pannage has been extended. I had met four pigs in the woods only a couple of minutes from the back of my cottage and so keen to film then doubled back to watch them and film them before they hurried off.

Later I have to go have my diabtetic eye screening but then I shall come back, light my wood burner, burn some Samhain incense from Star Child and spend some quite time alone. I still live alone-I am still with my North Star but still live alone by choice. My cottage is not large enough to house two people comforatbly and after six years together we know that we work best with time apart. We are people who need time alone and have our own routines, our own way of doing things and NS knows that I could never willinging give up my little cottage.

More than that I have found my true self over the past few years. When I found the courage to end my longterm relationship I thought I had found myself, but I hadn't and I realised a few years down the line that I was running the risk of putting myself into a similar situation if I wasn't very careful and asserted myself. I realised I had to put myself first and put down some clear boundaries because I found that I was turning into what I can only descibe as a 'Stepford Wife' and alarm bells were ringing, quite loudly. I felt as if I was just being used as a book, bottle washer, clothes washer, domestic and spent my time picking dirthy clothes up off the floor. My limit had been reached when I came home from camp in May and NS had looked after Cookie for the weekend-I came home to an unmade bed, dirthy clothes, dirty dishes and a line of dirty cat food bowls...that were my own bowls. I know, right?! I was beyond fuming but instead of an apology I had anger directed at me because I dared to be angry. 

Men huh?

Anyway, after a few difficult months our relationship is much stronger and we are much happier,  NS now understands that I am not here to be his Stepford Wife and I have learnt not to trampled all over but to stand up for myself more. I am a much stronger more assertive person now than I ever have been.

It feels right that I have found this balance right before Samhain and at the start of, for me and for many pagans, the cusp of the new year.

Hello Mel and Laura and thank you for your comments~ its lovely to come here and find familiar faces still here reading my words xx

~re-treading the path~

finding a path is never easy, keeping to a path is never easy and its easy to become distracted.

like anything in this world finding and remaining on a sacred path is one that constantly needs work, these things take time, take dedication and do not come easy.

anything can interfere with your path, even the smallest of thing, problems with family, a busy life, work, illness...anything.

but here's the thing...your path will never entirely desert you.

you might drift from the path but your path will never desert you.

it will sit snug deep within you like a fox cosy in it its den while your life gently meanders on its way, sitting there all cosy just waiting for you to remember it and to slowly find your way back.

this has been my life for a year now, the gentle meandering from my path. this has happened before but never for this long and never in such a complete way. a lot of this has been to do with my depression, the black dog drags you away from everything that is special in your life, isolates you from it, makes you think that nothing is important anymore. and that's how it was for months, I felt nothing, I had lost all connection, I felt nothing...absolutely nothing. the times of sacred celebrations passed me by without any sense of recognition or feeling. my altar space just sat there gathering dust and my shaman drum hung on it place above my altar un-touched.

as I wrote in my last post the magic of the moongazy gathering helped me find my way back onto my path and since then I have bene making those tentative first steps in re-treading my spiritual path, finding myself back on my soul journey.

the most important part was celebrating the summer solstice in my little wild, sacred garden, for once I was not too unwell or too pulled down by the 'don't care' vibe of depression to go and light a fire in my little cauldron...

I burned some of my star child 'moon' incense to celebrate the joining of the full moon on the summer solstice...

and drummed...

until the full moon slowly rose over the edge of the hollow we live in...

and I started to read my cards again. yesterday I did a four card reading of my shaman oracle cards...

 I feel better, the black dog and the anxiety is still there, but being back on my path and having a sense of connection makes me feel better, I feel almost whole once again.

~samhain~

my samhain, my real samhain, was a quiet one.

i lit candles in the home and in the garden, little lanterns shedding their small light into the ever growing bare patches that have been left by the plants returning to the earth.

a lantern burned on my garden altar, the light glancing off the antlers that are sprouting from a slowing disintegrating skull

i broke up some thick dry sticks, stacking some beside me and lit a fire in my cauldron, lit a charcoal disc and sat watching as the flames slowly caught and engulfed the sticks.

the charcoal turned grey and i sprinkled on some samhain incense blend from star child~the herb infused smoke mixed with the wood smoke, spiralling into the dark, damp air.

so i sat in the damp garden soaking in the heat from my fire, adding more sticks to the cauldron, more incense to the hot disc

i thought of my ancestors, 

of the huge ancestral tree i have been adding to and working on

new found family whose blood flows within me, whose eyes saw life as it was in the 1500's in villages near to and within this ancient forest i call home.

i also planted my seed intentions for the dark days and weeks ahead

i am feeling so much better after our trip to glastonbury~the energy there is indescribable, i can feel it for miles around almost as a shimmering energy that gets more intense the closer you get.

it feels as if that energy has charged me up and i feel full of possibilities and hope.

~drumming up the moon*earth mother & her green lord~

 

it seems right that this extended post should be in three parts


***

i have spent three days (thee again) on this post, getting no-where and becoming distracted until i finally ran out of possible words and thoughts and so gave up.

this morning i was up at that liminal time when the veil between worlds is thin and i stood in my garden surrounded by the scent of valerian and bird song, i heard the last conversation of an owl and when i heard the first morning calls of the crows i knew it was time to come in and write.

i admit this has been a very a difficult post to write, i think because it was part of something...
part of something larger over several days, weeks even, that caused a slight shift in my spiritual path and i keep having to stop and ponder, journal, ask my cards for more clarity.

i think at the end of the day it is all starts with labels
the labels we assign to ourselves, ones that are assigned to us by others

early on in our spiritual paths we label ourselves to fit into a specific category~a category that we actually wish for ourselves, that we think we should be, that maybe popular culture tells us we should be no matter what our heart tells us. we may fall into a path through our heart or through our reading. maybe we go through this process of labelling as a natural process that finally leads us to something that we find fits us and our spiritual practice perfectly

our spiritual path could take us through several 'incarnations' as we seek that perfect fit~that perfect place where we can stand alone or among a group of other pagans and know that we are on our 'right' path~the path that the universe intended us to be on. we no longer have the need, the urge, to seek any further.
more importantly we no longer feel we are wrong if we follow our own path because we realise that no matter how many books are written, no matter how many online articles and blogs are written instructing us in a particular path, no matter how many groups or orders are out there...at the end of the day we just do not know, there is no complete, written, ancient text that gives the whole, complete information for any particular path.
so any guilt/confusion we feel from not fitting any proscribed criteria, at being on a truly independent path, sloughs away like winters dead leaves and we feel all shiny and new. brimming with a new confidence that nothing can take away because we have travelled, maybe for many years, and we have undertaken our own form of initiation and come out the other side knowing that it is
right, that we have stood in the dark and been spoken to and told that 'yes this is right for you...'

 i sit here realising that i have gone through this process and found myself at this place, this time...this place that fits so well and feels comfortable, feels
right
and the final part of my 'initiation' took place over several days and  places...


air

 

i understand that the final part of my initiation started at the camp with a small private ritual during which the moon rose to the south while we were in our candle lit circle. it had not been planned that way, my beautiful friends who had written out the ritual had not consulted any almanac to find the exact time of moonrise and the place they chose came from the positive energy given out by a tree.
but as we stood in our sacred circle i noticed a small hint of light on the horizon and gently nudged my friend, nodding towards the light, one by one we all came to notice the rising of the moon and the ritual stopped while we all stood watching for a while, laughing and hugging and the rest of the ritual ended under the light of the full moon.
 the feelings that grew in me during this ceremony for friends were feelings of a circle slowly closing, that the ends were nearly meeting, that my unconscious searching was nearly at an end.


fire

the following evening as we sat around a large camp fire with music and laughter filling the air we again sat and watched the moon rise~this time was the drumming up of the moon, where those with shaman drums ran towards the moon, drumming and ululating wildly and it was a feral sound that made me feel almost complete...another part of that circle was closed


water

while in Glastonbury we went to the

 white spring

 

where i filled a bottle full of the water from the spring from which i take a little sip first thing in the morning and last thing at night and when i am close to running out its the perfect time to return.

 

once my bottle was full swampy and i went into the dark, chilly temple

 

 

 

 

as no technology is allowed these photos from the white spring website

within the temple lies three shrines~to Brigid, the guardian of the sacred springs where a  flame is always burning~to Our Lady of Avalon beside the healing pool and at the portal to the Otherworld lies the shrine of the King of the World of Faries.

if you haven't been to the White Spring it is so very difficult to describe~the spring gushing out from the rocks and filling the pools, the sacred water flowing over the top of the pools and flowing in rivulets along the floor.

the temple is lit only by candles and the sound of flowing water fills your ears but still there is a silence that fills you, a sacred silence that first fills your mind and then fills your body.
but it is not an empty silence, it is a silence filled with joy, with voices calling to you in welcome.
but these are ancient voices, new voices to me.
Brigid/Brighidh has been with me for a while now, slowly introducing herself with signs until i could no longer ignore them and she was here but there was another.
this other was older, far older~i am talking mother goddess, earth mother, Danu and Dôn.
and of course the essence of the lord of the wildwood, the green man, was there too, laughing among the flowing waters, making sure he was not forgotten.
i walked slowly around the temple, watching the spring flow into the pools from deep under the Tor, standing before each shrine, bathing my face in the ice cold water, my body was almost vibrating, humming from the feelings i was having, feelings that i was being given as a gift from a deity so much older than i imagined i would ever find.

i finally, and very reluctantly stepped out of this comforting, dark, watery temple~i wanted to stay there much, much longer and immerse myself in the pools, i stepped out into sunshine feeling transformed and that the circle more complete.


earth

the following day i stood at Avebury and felt a huge sense of peace fall over me and i lay for a while in the long meadow grass beside the great stones of the outer circle trying to absorb all the energy i could.

a little later found me walking the hill up to the West Kennet Long Barrow with that great symbol of the goddess, Silbury Hill to my back. this burial chamber is truly ancient...think back around 5000 years and then add a smidge of maybe another half a millennia...
ancient

i took a few other photos from this point but it doesn't feel right in posting them

within the burial chamber, as i walked though past the north and south chambers and into the rounded west chamber at the very end  i was getting the same feeling i had at the White Spring~there were no  threat in the darkness, if anything i  again felt comfort that the great earth mother had welcomed me into this ancient chamber and acknowledged me, allowing my time there to be uninterrupted. i held my hands out to the stones feeling an ancient vibration and greeted the ancestors.

this time, as i stepped out of this ancient and sacred place, the ends of the circle that had started to close days before finally joined together and the circle of my initiation was complete.


of course it doesn't end there, it never does.

i came home and still vibrating, humming from my experiences, looked though my journal.
i went back over weeks, to entries where i written down my card readings, the notes and musings i had made.
there was so much, so many words set into sentences and in the end i had to try to collate it into one easy to read page made up of single, repeated words
 the same things that kept coming up reading after reading and although i was aware of this as the days went by it wasn't until i returned home and looked again with new eyes that it all made sense...

interaction with spirit, ancestors, Brighid, Earth Goddess, Brighidh, Arianhrod, gifts of the Spirits
earth serpent, serpents, primal wisdom, deep soul knowledge
inner journey of spirit
rebirth, transformation, new paths,
springs, wells, river flow,
 weaving a web of life, synchronicity,
elements
otherworld
the embrace of spirits and their blessings

looking at it in this way i let out a huge sigh~i was not going crazy and reading my cards wrong, i wasn't 'inventing' something out of nothing. everything over the preceding weeks, months had cumulated into these events, at these sacred sites, some places i had not intended to visit on this journey, but timing and luck had me going to all of them.


reading back on this i feel nothing but joy that i have been taken by the hand and guided on this journey and although the circle has been completed i am still on a great journey.
i am looking at things from a new perspective, its almost as if the decades have rolled back and i am starting anew. which, of course, in a way i am, but with considerably more wisdom than i had before and with a maturity that makes me feel i can walk the path that the great earth mother and her wild green consort has laid before me and be open to anything that crosses my path.
i am looking at my sacred garden with new eyes, at my altar inside with new eyes and feeling grateful that i can turn a little aside from the norm that is given us on our pagan paths and forge a new path, with new ways of doing things, knowing that the simple rituals of my life are guided by the great earth mother.










i have seen people moaning that the taking of photos and film should be allowed in the White Spring Temple and why is there no proper lighting to see properly? well if they feel this then they do not get it and should maybe stay away from what is a highly sacred place to many, who do not want the flash and whir of cameras and mobile phones to disturb their mediations...or even better why do they they not discard this technology, kick of their shoes and wait and see what may happen to them in the darkness.

~drumming up the moon*part two~

 

day two of the gathering dawned bright and warm and the temperature rose with the sun.

 

more and more people arrived, tents, caravans and campers sprouted over the field like great toadstools and the laughter and calls of happy folk spread on the breeze.

 

that night we built a large fire and sat around it chatting, laughing, listening to those with the instruments play and sing.

 

T and L had their shaman drums and as the lady moon started to rise they drummed her up to cries and ululations.

 

solstice cafe

new stonewylde bags~we bought two!

beautiful celebration cakes

solstice café and stonewylde stall

our house band

tarot readings



chyna's beautiful works of art

***

 

finally the camp was over and from sunday afternoon we had to start saying goodbye to all our friends~always such a difficult thing to do.

the field slowly emptied until there were only a small group remaining

 

of course we could not go to Glastonbury...

 

 

 

we got there nice and early to get a parking space down the bottom of town by the Abbey and market and met our friends carp and crystal at the blue note café~sitting in the courtyard by star child enjoying a latte to wake me up!

 

 

of course i had to spend some pennies...

 

to add to my glennie kindred library

although i blend my own incense its tradition i buy at least one from starchild~this is Gaia and smells glorious

a beautiful ceramic bowl (dried leaf from Avebury!) and...

a beautiful Tor pendant.

we all left on Wednesday and we made the very small mile or two detour to avebury

then down the road to the west kennet long barrow

 

its hard to describe the feelings i had when i walked into the chamber, making sure there were no other people who were going to follow me in

 

even now thinking back the feelings are strong

 

ancient was one feeling, when you remember that it is a Neolithic barrow, older than the oldest phase of stonehenge, you cannot escape the feeling of age.

 

thoughts of the ancestors also came to me, the people who built this structure, the people living in small communities nearby and why this whole area~silbury, avebury, the sanctuary, windmill hill~was so sacred to them.

it made me think of my ancient ancestors~a part of my family down my maternal line all come from Wiltshire, mostly clustered around amesbury, old sarum and stonehenge~so far i have only gone back 500 years but i secretly wonder if my older ancestors lived in the area thousands of years ago and lived to see these sacred sites.

i really would love to find out...maybe a pathworking would help?

 

i felt a strong energy there

some people maybe don't because it is a chamber of the dead, but as i went further into the chamber i could feel it buzzing around me~it  had a smell of rain and damp earth and old, old stones

 

i strongly felt the goddess there but maybe she was following me...

 

 

 

 



~frosty cold~

 

i finally woke last week to frost and the feeling that winter is here

 

i have been laying one of my vintage merino wool blankets over the bed at night but i think its nearly time to get down one of my big quilts as last night i kept waking a little chilly during the dark hours.

 

my internal clock is waking me about 6.30 each morning and so i find myself by 7, standing in the frosty garden in my pyjamas saying hello to the world.

i love being out there before the sound of the traffic on the main road that links my village to the two villages of lyndhurst and lymington. its never a loud sound, more of a deep rumble, but me being me, would rather not hear it at all.

so those times of the day when there is no sound is just perfect~just me and the birds.

 

things here in this ancient forest is bumbling along nicely.

yule will be here before we know it and i am getting excited at the prospect of the winter solstice ritual with the gorsedd cor gawr at stonehenge.

 

i met my dad and step mum in odiham last week on a beautiful blue sky day.

we met there because this was where my great aunt eve lived in a small cottage in broad oak from where she would across the Basingstoke canal only meters from the cottage and walk through the woods to the home of the famous redgrave family where she was housekeeper.

my dad spent the summers of his childhood in the cottage and i was taken there a lot as a small child.

 

i cam away with a fallen branch and three acorns from the two huge oak trees from which broad oak was given its name

 

 the two oaks outside broad oak cottage

 

 Basingstoke canal

 

 my dad sketching the bridge

 

broad oak cottage

 

built c1792

old, old bricks

 

***

 



~st jude~

 

st jude~the patron saint of depression and lost causes is the name of the storm that is due to hit the wales and the south over the coming hours.

we are expecting gale force winds and heavy rain, we have had it very breezy for 24 hours but it is slowly getting worse. we live only five miles from the solent and so right in the path of the strongest of the winds that are predicted.

 

so we have, as the link suggests, battened down the hatches, will wait it out and we have plenty of candles in case of a power cut.

i have taken the opportunity to hang some washing out and i don't think it will take long to dry!

 

***

 

we have had a busy week here in the forest~swampy sorted out some shelves for my mum so i took my laptop and was able to add more to my family tree with mums help, i now need to take my scanner to scan a few photos, one of my great granny gaul and great granddad Hawkins which i am really excited about.

 

we have also been sorting our little home in the run up to yule~we were unable to go to Glastonbury to the witches market and fairy ball as we usually do so the money went on buying a new armchair and a cabinet with shelves.

i finally talked swampy into moving our living room around and we now have much more floor space which means we now are able to have a small dining table and chairs at one end of the room...no longer balancing plates on laps. i know it sounds very mundane but to me it feels like we have really settled into our house.

 

***

 

well the wind has increased, the rain started, washing brought in...those of you in the path of st jude stay safe and warm



~wool against weapons & mug~

 

you will know from my post yesterday that i was feeling a tad stir-crazy with the utter need to get out and buy yarn to start my small part of wool against weapons so i had swampy take me out for a bit of yarn buying and this is what i came home with...

 

 

i aim to do a sort of striped 'patchwork' type piece with swatches of the pink and single rows of the oatmeal.

but i also came home with this...

 



 

to make a 'cosy' for this...

 

 

i have to say my photo does not show just how beautiful this mug is, it doesn't show what a gorgeous green glaze it has nor how wonderful the shape and feel.

 

this was actually a commissioned piece based around a mug i saw on the crafter, dave green, site.

 

i wanted something very specific...a good sturdy mug but without a handle that would be good for either hot or cold drinks...the image i had in my head, and one that i sent him in an e-mail (the poor man must have thought he had a loon contacting him!)was sitting around a campfire outside of a thatched roundhouse with a mug of something in my hands...now my older readers will not be too phased by this idea, they know me too well now.

 

it is oh so perfect and the yarn is to make a little 'cosy' for those drinks that are too hot to hold or to keep them warm when i am sitting around a camp fire.

 

i actually have it sitting here beside me as i type and i keep taking little surreptitious glances at it instead of typing because i love it so much.

my plan now is to keep adding pieces of his work to my stoneware collection...but not so much to have it as part of my collection to be looked at but a living, working collection of plates and bowls.

 

i like love...no adore anything that is rustic, organic, sturdy, mis-matched, things that make me think of the ancient ancestors and how they might have crafted drinking vessels and how they might have sat around a fire listening to stories of their ancestors.

 

so i am a happy happy soul right now...lots of new yarn, a gorgeous mug and now i am waiting for the delivery of my cloak...