~re-treading the path~

finding a path is never easy, keeping to a path is never easy and its easy to become distracted.

like anything in this world finding and remaining on a sacred path is one that constantly needs work, these things take time, take dedication and do not come easy.

anything can interfere with your path, even the smallest of thing, problems with family, a busy life, work, illness...anything.

but here's the thing...your path will never entirely desert you.

you might drift from the path but your path will never desert you.

it will sit snug deep within you like a fox cosy in it its den while your life gently meanders on its way, sitting there all cosy just waiting for you to remember it and to slowly find your way back.

this has been my life for a year now, the gentle meandering from my path. this has happened before but never for this long and never in such a complete way. a lot of this has been to do with my depression, the black dog drags you away from everything that is special in your life, isolates you from it, makes you think that nothing is important anymore. and that's how it was for months, I felt nothing, I had lost all connection, I felt nothing...absolutely nothing. the times of sacred celebrations passed me by without any sense of recognition or feeling. my altar space just sat there gathering dust and my shaman drum hung on it place above my altar un-touched.

as I wrote in my last post the magic of the moongazy gathering helped me find my way back onto my path and since then I have bene making those tentative first steps in re-treading my spiritual path, finding myself back on my soul journey.

the most important part was celebrating the summer solstice in my little wild, sacred garden, for once I was not too unwell or too pulled down by the 'don't care' vibe of depression to go and light a fire in my little cauldron...

I burned some of my star child 'moon' incense to celebrate the joining of the full moon on the summer solstice...

and drummed...

until the full moon slowly rose over the edge of the hollow we live in...

and I started to read my cards again. yesterday I did a four card reading of my shaman oracle cards...

 I feel better, the black dog and the anxiety is still there, but being back on my path and having a sense of connection makes me feel better, I feel almost whole once again.

~light~

~thank you~

thank you all for your your kind comments and thoughts.

things here have settled down

swampy came home that night after blood tests, x rays and scans etc~they found nothing wrong and i believe that it is deferred pain due to the nerve damage in his spine which is the root of his dreadful back problems.

***

flynt has had his stitches out and is back to his old 'norty' self. 

however now his walks are now on his lead and around all the different roads, lanes and alleys around the village where we know he cannot play with and unintentionally swallow bits of tennis ball and pine cones. his is getting used to being on a lead and is becoming much better in not pulling like a crazy thing.

***

i am just getting over a three day migraine and sitting here checking the list i have on my laptop for when we go away

...on friday we set off for busfest...which means my cat-kids have to go into a cattery which i hate. usually my sister is able to cat-sit which she loves but she will be away in cambridge for work.

i am looking forwards to going away as it means i get to live in Lilith for eleven days and although we have electric hook up to run a kettle and little fridge we have no tv, no electric lights...to me perfect.

***

this week i had a telephone appointment with a diabetic nurse with the west hampshire community diabetes service and have had my medication added to. another pill for me to take which i hope helps.

then i had a short telephone conversation with a lady from italk a psychological therapy service as my gp wasnt happy with the contents of our discussion about my depression. as a result i have an appointment with a lady called marina (which makes me think of stingray...any of you over 40 will remember that!)

so i feel i am plodding here in this ancient forest, drifting again from the things that are important to me. i am hoping that while away i can find the peace and focus i need to put myself back on some kind of track

~more~

after my blog post of yesterday i felt really positive, as if i had really had climbed a big hill and achieved something. 

this sounds half-way daft but i think anyone out there with chronic health problems-whatever they may be- will understand that at times just small, everyday things can seem like a struggle.

over the last weeks i have sat and thought to myself how daft it is that i can't even open my laptop, just didn't even have the energy to open it and tap keys.

but i am going to try my hardest to keep coming back with posts.

*****

i am presently working on a ritual for our annual Moongazy Gathering. we performed a ritual last year with a few of us, which i blogged about here and this year, given the opportunity, i said that i would write the ritual as we had an idea to create a sacred space for the field we will all be living in for a week.

i was emailing my gorgeous friend and witch Sujee about it and it made me realise how much my path has changed since the experiences i blogged about last year.

for a long time my spiritual path was a winding one of discovery, i didn't label myself as anything more than a pagan. then i found druidry and it felt so comfortable...but not quite *right*

then i had my experience at the white spring in glastonbury and west kennet long barrow and it all changed.

this change is being reflected in the ritual i am now writing and my chats with Sujee~ i am again thinking of how my path changed and how i see myself as a pagan these days.

my spiritual path is much wilder now, a lot more unstructured, i tend not to be overly concerned with perceived rights and wrongs.
there is no single right way,
go with what your heart and soul sings out!