~re-treading the path~

finding a path is never easy, keeping to a path is never easy and its easy to become distracted.

like anything in this world finding and remaining on a sacred path is one that constantly needs work, these things take time, take dedication and do not come easy.

anything can interfere with your path, even the smallest of thing, problems with family, a busy life, work, illness...anything.

but here's the thing...your path will never entirely desert you.

you might drift from the path but your path will never desert you.

it will sit snug deep within you like a fox cosy in it its den while your life gently meanders on its way, sitting there all cosy just waiting for you to remember it and to slowly find your way back.

this has been my life for a year now, the gentle meandering from my path. this has happened before but never for this long and never in such a complete way. a lot of this has been to do with my depression, the black dog drags you away from everything that is special in your life, isolates you from it, makes you think that nothing is important anymore. and that's how it was for months, I felt nothing, I had lost all connection, I felt nothing...absolutely nothing. the times of sacred celebrations passed me by without any sense of recognition or feeling. my altar space just sat there gathering dust and my shaman drum hung on it place above my altar un-touched.

as I wrote in my last post the magic of the moongazy gathering helped me find my way back onto my path and since then I have bene making those tentative first steps in re-treading my spiritual path, finding myself back on my soul journey.

the most important part was celebrating the summer solstice in my little wild, sacred garden, for once I was not too unwell or too pulled down by the 'don't care' vibe of depression to go and light a fire in my little cauldron...

I burned some of my star child 'moon' incense to celebrate the joining of the full moon on the summer solstice...

and drummed...

until the full moon slowly rose over the edge of the hollow we live in...

and I started to read my cards again. yesterday I did a four card reading of my shaman oracle cards...

 I feel better, the black dog and the anxiety is still there, but being back on my path and having a sense of connection makes me feel better, I feel almost whole once again.

~spoons & swimming~

 

well another long hiatus from yours truly!

 

i have no excuse other than that i become easily distracted and that recently i have only been able to do one 'big thing' daily before becoming so tired and sore.

 

let me explain...you all know by now the spoon theory, well i can only do one big thing or a couple of smaller things daily and some very minor 'pottering' before my spoons are seriously depleted and i need to re-charge and gain those lost spoons back.

 

we do our shopping once a week, although it wears me out i go and enjoy it because its one of the very few times i get out on a regular week. on shopping days i do shopping and that's it~i even plan a very simple dinner that day because i know that  wont be able to manage anything more than soup or a sandwich.

 

the thing is that as well as physically exhausted i become mentally exhausted as well which means that even coming onto my laptop, browsing the web and blogging is too much.

 

all of the aural and visual stimulation to me is totally overwhelming and exhausting.

 

it has taken me a long time to get over the moongazy gathering, then i had the excitement of seeing the moulettes and seth...

 

 

 

then last week we went to stonehenge with cor gawr for the midsummer sunrise which meant i was eating breakfast at 1am, after staying up to watch the full 'super' moon rise from my garden, and we were waiting to be let into the car park at stonehenge at 3am.

 

 

 

we met our friends taz, kit and mrb there and after, although sadly taz had to leave earlier, we sat in pretty pagan and warmed up with mugs of good hot tea and kits date and ginger cake.

 

so although it was amazing it was something else that used all of my spoons.

 

so i have been trying to re-stock those spoons...however my mind is in total overdrive right now with lots of craft ideas constantly spinning around, waking me in the night, plus i have to get enough wylde apothecary stock ready for the fairy festival next month.

 

so much to do and so many ideas with so little time!!!

 

*****

 

swampy and i have finally started swimming (which of course uses spoons!)

i am a real water baby and love being in water, be it indoor pool, sea, rivers and so even the aches and pains can be pushed aside for a little while. luckily there is little mental stimulation being in a pool, i just love swimming up and down at my own sweet pace.

although swampy is finding it somewhat of a struggle and he is not a good a swimmer as i am i get that 'competition' vibe emanating from him. he is convinced that for my 28 lengths he did 14 i know that at one point i was doing more than two lengths to his one, although of course  wont tell him that!

 

****

 

well now i shall make a start in popping by you all to see what you have been up to...it could take me a few days!