~spoons & swimming~

 

well another long hiatus from yours truly!

 

i have no excuse other than that i become easily distracted and that recently i have only been able to do one 'big thing' daily before becoming so tired and sore.

 

let me explain...you all know by now the spoon theory, well i can only do one big thing or a couple of smaller things daily and some very minor 'pottering' before my spoons are seriously depleted and i need to re-charge and gain those lost spoons back.

 

we do our shopping once a week, although it wears me out i go and enjoy it because its one of the very few times i get out on a regular week. on shopping days i do shopping and that's it~i even plan a very simple dinner that day because i know that  wont be able to manage anything more than soup or a sandwich.

 

the thing is that as well as physically exhausted i become mentally exhausted as well which means that even coming onto my laptop, browsing the web and blogging is too much.

 

all of the aural and visual stimulation to me is totally overwhelming and exhausting.

 

it has taken me a long time to get over the moongazy gathering, then i had the excitement of seeing the moulettes and seth...

 

 

 

then last week we went to stonehenge with cor gawr for the midsummer sunrise which meant i was eating breakfast at 1am, after staying up to watch the full 'super' moon rise from my garden, and we were waiting to be let into the car park at stonehenge at 3am.

 

 

 

we met our friends taz, kit and mrb there and after, although sadly taz had to leave earlier, we sat in pretty pagan and warmed up with mugs of good hot tea and kits date and ginger cake.

 

so although it was amazing it was something else that used all of my spoons.

 

so i have been trying to re-stock those spoons...however my mind is in total overdrive right now with lots of craft ideas constantly spinning around, waking me in the night, plus i have to get enough wylde apothecary stock ready for the fairy festival next month.

 

so much to do and so many ideas with so little time!!!

 

*****

 

swampy and i have finally started swimming (which of course uses spoons!)

i am a real water baby and love being in water, be it indoor pool, sea, rivers and so even the aches and pains can be pushed aside for a little while. luckily there is little mental stimulation being in a pool, i just love swimming up and down at my own sweet pace.

although swampy is finding it somewhat of a struggle and he is not a good a swimmer as i am i get that 'competition' vibe emanating from him. he is convinced that for my 28 lengths he did 14 i know that at one point i was doing more than two lengths to his one, although of course  wont tell him that!

 

****

 

well now i shall make a start in popping by you all to see what you have been up to...it could take me a few days!



~thank you~

 

i want to say a big thank you to those who commented on my last post.

i came here today to apologise for writing such a 'down' post.

 

but then i thought no, that's okay, its fine to write down what i am feeling if it reaches out to people and makes them feel not so alone in their situation.

 

 

so...

 

i am getting there, getting there in that i am not going to let this get the better of me.

 

i had a wobble yesterday, a fit of frustration.

i thought i would help swampy out in the garden a bit, the sun was shining and it was warm, it felt nice.

but it seemed everything i did or suggested was 'wrong'~i tried twice, maybe three times and then gave up, not having the guts to explain why i came indoors and slumped on the sofa yet again.

 

it was a really lovely day yesterday and if it were not for the black dog i would have really enjoyed it.

 

i think maybe this fibro flare up is getting me down too.

 

but enough of that.

 

***

 

i have started jani francks

 

creative journaling

 

yesterday (well really today as i was not wanting to be online yesterday) and i am already loving it.

i went mad and bought a moleskine sketchbook for it, which is not so bad as my present moleskine notebook has a paltry two pages left after my last couple of entries have been rather extensive.

there is something special about a really nice journal...

 

***

 

i am excited as i have been invited and  applied for tickets for swampy and i to join the gorsedd of cor gawr at Stonehenge again for the alban hefin/midsummer gorsedd at stonehenge.

remembering the midwinter ritual i just know this one will be special...but getting swampy out of bed and at stonehenge for dawn?

well that will be interesting!

 

***

 

i have moved myself from the sofa into my room and plan on putting some shamanic drumming on and working with some preseli bluestone for the wylde apothecary.

apart from the 'frippery' i have made nothing for days as i have not wanted to work my negativity into my creations, which i think is fair enough.

but today i think its time...its time to override the black dog as much as i can so i shall play my shamanic drumming, burn some Tibetan healing incense and see what the song of the stones tell me to do...