~oh hey~

 oh hey!

its me again

are you still out there?

Well I am back, complete with my sometimes lack of upper case letters and rambling thoughts. 

I have spent an intense two years and an especially intense year completing my MA. I submitted my dissertation at the end of September and since then have been in some kind of half-shock, trying to return to some kind of normality and gain some structure to my life that did'nt involve study and deadlines. I promised myself several months of 'nothing'-literally nothing, just deep cleaning the cottage, catching up on sleep and reading and just 'being'. In the back of my mind is the possibility of doing my PhD but right now I am not sure I am brave enough to put myself through the intitial interview process...so that's kind of hanging in the air. However, I have been accepted as a volunteer onto a 9 month conservation project on old documents as part of Hampshire Archives which I hope may lead to bigger and better things.

I spent the weekend with the NorthStar in Glastonbury, catching up with my Tribe-although I didn't spend as much time with my Tribe as I had hoped. I have some ongoing health problems which meant by 1pm on Saturday my power had totally left me so I had to return to the camper and crash out with a cup of tea.

We went to Wells Cathederal to see Gaia

 

But it gave me time to start the all important re-charge of my spiritual batteries. I recently realised that I have spent the last 6 years in a frenzy of non-stop study and this has meant that everything else has fallen by the wayside, and a big part of that was my spiritual path. In six years everything had just drifted and the joyful path I was once on had grown over.

Now it feels as if I have been out, clearing the path, making the way clear. I have been working with The Wild Unknown Tarot for a few weeks, just a daily card to get me back into the swing of spiritual life, asking a question for guideance and its been super helpful. Another day I spent clearing, dusting and changing my altar space. Today, the dark/new moon I shall be putting out the crystals I keep in a pouch around my neck out to charge with fresh intent and start to build on my tarot reading.

I was up in the woods behind my cottage earlier, in need of some forest energy...

 

charged my moss agate...

things are definately looking up and I plan on regular blogging now I have the time and inclination.

Let me know if you are still out there, it would be nice to know if the old blogging community is still strong in the face of 'faceache'

~turning again~

here I am again, this time a few days home from Lammas Camp up in beautiful Derbyshire.

it was my first Lammas Camp and it took me some years worth of needling to get there (I drive but haven't for a while and so driving myself hasn't been an option) but I got there.

but first let me tell you of the oddest thing that happened when I was nearly there...

we were running two hours late, had been caught in traffic and then, suddenly, caught in slow moving traffic we noticed the road had been closed because of an accident while at the same time swampy mentioned to me (comfortably snuggled up in the back of the camper) that there was some 'nobber' either driving too close or trying to overtake. when the car drew up beside us there was a figure waving at us frantically and it was P who we had not seen for many years.

we took the detour road and stopped and had the most amazing reunion right there on the side of a tiny lane in deepest Derbyshire.

we have known P for many years through the vw scene, I have been counting back to when I first had my old vw bay window and the first camp I joined...on a really damp, chilly weekend here in the new forest...and I figure it was around 2000 or 2001.

our paths crossed many times over the years and then we stopped going to most vw events and his life took him in a different direction too and I honestly thought our paths would never cross again.

so in a truly serendipitous moment when we were running late, he was running late from work and we had been caught in traffic we finally connected on a roundabout in Derbyshire.

life is strange~he is my serendipity

Lammas Camp was a glorious event, a small gathering held on a small organic farm high on a hill

prudence all set up and cosy...

my tribe, my spiritual family were there with me. we camped together, set up our firepits in a small circle and lived our own idyllic life for a few precious days. no electric, no heat apart from the heat generated by our fires and glorious views and so much laughter I often ached from it. there was also much heart felt conversation, hugs and tears.

my friend nacht was there selling his beautiful copper wares from Emporium Nocturnum so I added to my Hecate's Wheel with a copper and silver Mjolnir...

next to the camp was a high hill that had the most amazing views and as a group we would walk up there every day to talk and explore. then each morning, waking early, I would hike up there in my pyjamas and sit and talk to any of the old goddesses and gods who happened to be listening. putting my thoughts and dreams into the passing breeze, hoping I would be heard...

my beautiful systers, I love them so very much...

on the last morning I was awake really early, the wind was blowing a gale, the canvas walls of prudence flapping like sails on a ship. all I could do was make coffee by lantern and listen...

 then I made my way up my hill...

 it was a wild, noisy time with the wind raging through the beech trees but I still put my voice to the wind where the words were carried off, tumbling to be heard by whoever.

then it was down to pack down prudence and pack everything into the camper, leaving me with my nest in the back, surrounded by rugs and wicker baskets holding the stuff of everyday life...tin mugs, an old camp cooker, a battered old Aga kettle and there was me, resplendent in my orange trousers and green mary jane's.
I felt sad, close to tears, I didn't want to leave this beautiful place, my beautiful tribe, my beautiful systers to who I shared my heart and soul, but home I had to travel

back home I maintain my routine of getting out as early as possible to send my thoughts, hopes and dreams into the sky surrounded in my garden by rowan, oak and birch...

I am going through a bout of insomnia at the moment, its lasted since Friday and finds me sleeping only a few hours and so getting into my garden at the liminal time of dawn has me feeling the shift that has taken place since Lammas.

its only small shift, most people are still enjoying what they call summer, but I see and feel deeper. I can smell it, see it, feel it. the great wheel has turned and we are closer to the darker months. in my garden I see the changes in the plants, while my lemon verbena is flourishing my lovage has gone over, while the birds foot trefoil runs rampant the leaves of the silver birch are slowly turning from green to brown and ripe berries hang heavy from the rowan.

I am feeling sad and teary today, the kind of sadness that makes me want to sit in the garden with a book and do nothing, not talk, eat or drink, just sit there and just be.

I know the source of this sadness but for now this must sit within my soul and wait out what may or may not occur. I know what I want to occur, something I want with all of my heart, with all of my soul, deep to the core of my very being.

I am in a limbo created out of serendipity and all I can do is wait...

~re-treading the path~

finding a path is never easy, keeping to a path is never easy and its easy to become distracted.

like anything in this world finding and remaining on a sacred path is one that constantly needs work, these things take time, take dedication and do not come easy.

anything can interfere with your path, even the smallest of thing, problems with family, a busy life, work, illness...anything.

but here's the thing...your path will never entirely desert you.

you might drift from the path but your path will never desert you.

it will sit snug deep within you like a fox cosy in it its den while your life gently meanders on its way, sitting there all cosy just waiting for you to remember it and to slowly find your way back.

this has been my life for a year now, the gentle meandering from my path. this has happened before but never for this long and never in such a complete way. a lot of this has been to do with my depression, the black dog drags you away from everything that is special in your life, isolates you from it, makes you think that nothing is important anymore. and that's how it was for months, I felt nothing, I had lost all connection, I felt nothing...absolutely nothing. the times of sacred celebrations passed me by without any sense of recognition or feeling. my altar space just sat there gathering dust and my shaman drum hung on it place above my altar un-touched.

as I wrote in my last post the magic of the moongazy gathering helped me find my way back onto my path and since then I have bene making those tentative first steps in re-treading my spiritual path, finding myself back on my soul journey.

the most important part was celebrating the summer solstice in my little wild, sacred garden, for once I was not too unwell or too pulled down by the 'don't care' vibe of depression to go and light a fire in my little cauldron...

I burned some of my star child 'moon' incense to celebrate the joining of the full moon on the summer solstice...

and drummed...

until the full moon slowly rose over the edge of the hollow we live in...

and I started to read my cards again. yesterday I did a four card reading of my shaman oracle cards...

 I feel better, the black dog and the anxiety is still there, but being back on my path and having a sense of connection makes me feel better, I feel almost whole once again.

~moongazy gathering 2016~

last week we came home from our yearly gathering with friends and I came home feeling rejuvenated...well sort of .

it has taken me a week to recover, but because I am feeling so bad with my fibromyalgia that's not saying much to be honest.

it has reached the point that I saw my gp yesterday and going for blood tests today to test for inflammatory conditions...either that or my fibromyalgia has become a whole lot worse.

*****

however the moongazy gathering was, as usual, amazing.

the day we left was a bit stressful because our caravan misbehaved and we had to leave her at home meaning we had load everything into 'gibson' our normal size vw van (if you remember pretty pagan was a much larger van!) but we arrived safely and spent the afternoon setting up camp.

the back of the camper was loaded to the gunnels...complete with ferret cage!

I always love the views in Wiltshire~i have ancestral connections there going back many hundreds of years and so feel very connected to the land.

less than two hours from home is the field that becomes a magical sanctuary for one week every year

swampy looks happy to have arrived

our neighbours

I had really not wanted to go, my anxiety and depression getting the worse of me, but deep down I knew that if I didn't I would regret it.

but I looked after myself, I took time apart when I needed to, when my body and mind told me that I needed to and that helped. although I couldn't combat the pain I managed.

it was worth it.

while I was there the old magic of the gathering worked its spell on me, it helped me find my way back onto my spiritual path.

its as if all of those spiritual souls gathered together generates so much spiritual energy its catching, that the air is filled with this energy and if you stop long enough it will seep into your bones, into your very soul, bringing back that which was lost.

and it works

while there I visited my usual haunts, avebury~where we walked the avenue

collecting sheeps wool from the sheep that graze around the stones

then there was Glastonbury...

anyone who has been there and feel a connection, feel that Glastonbury is their spiritual home will understand the feeling that the Tor is like a beacon. that it is sending out energies across the land to draw us back home and that we will link into this from miles away.

unfortunately I became really unwell while there and so did not spend the day there as I usually do but I was able to visit all my usual haunts before swampy had to take me back...

on the way out of Glastonbury we stopped at the White Spring Temple, something I try to do each visit. despite not feeling good I had to go there, I had to visit each shrine, bathe my hands and face in the ice cold water, stand in the cold, darkness and absorb the energies of the area. then, stopping to fill my two empty bottles with the sacred water it was time to get back on the road.

back at camp all was good

the solstice cafe

stonewylde goodies

our friend chyna is so very talented

so is our friend Eilen...I have this soap, made with hops, and it is so good

kilts are an essential

so is live music

as nights fell the fires were lit...

and during the day crafts were worked on

before too long the week was up and one by one tents, were taken down, caravans collapsed, campers loaded to the gunnels and we said our farewells, arranging to meet at other camps or events throughout the year but all pledging to return and create this sacred site again next year.

the sight of Salisbury Cathedral is like the gateway to the forest, only half an hours drive from home, it is like we are already home when the cathedral fills our view.

and so another moongazy gathering is over, the camping equipment packed away until our next adventure...