~samhain blessings my lovlies~

So today is a time to visit with the ancestors, a time when the veil between the worlds is thin.

 

I took an early walk in the woods behind my tiny cottage to spend time with the ancestors of the land. I think the schools are no longer on half term but I didn't fancy hearing the distant shieking of children through the woods today. Instead I met wih a few locals, two walking their dogs and one man asking me if I had passed his pigs. Yes 'normal for the New Forest' as we are in pannage season, where the pigs are let out to enjoy the fall of acorns. This year the glut of acprns are so good pannage has been extended. I had met four pigs in the woods only a couple of minutes from the back of my cottage and so keen to film then doubled back to watch them and film them before they hurried off.

Later I have to go have my diabtetic eye screening but then I shall come back, light my wood burner, burn some Samhain incense from Star Child and spend some quite time alone. I still live alone-I am still with my North Star but still live alone by choice. My cottage is not large enough to house two people comforatbly and after six years together we know that we work best with time apart. We are people who need time alone and have our own routines, our own way of doing things and NS knows that I could never willinging give up my little cottage.

More than that I have found my true self over the past few years. When I found the courage to end my longterm relationship I thought I had found myself, but I hadn't and I realised a few years down the line that I was running the risk of putting myself into a similar situation if I wasn't very careful and asserted myself. I realised I had to put myself first and put down some clear boundaries because I found that I was turning into what I can only descibe as a 'Stepford Wife' and alarm bells were ringing, quite loudly. I felt as if I was just being used as a book, bottle washer, clothes washer, domestic and spent my time picking dirthy clothes up off the floor. My limit had been reached when I came home from camp in May and NS had looked after Cookie for the weekend-I came home to an unmade bed, dirthy clothes, dirty dishes and a line of dirty cat food bowls...that were my own bowls. I know, right?! I was beyond fuming but instead of an apology I had anger directed at me because I dared to be angry. 

Men huh?

Anyway, after a few difficult months our relationship is much stronger and we are much happier,  NS now understands that I am not here to be his Stepford Wife and I have learnt not to trampled all over but to stand up for myself more. I am a much stronger more assertive person now than I ever have been.

It feels right that I have found this balance right before Samhain and at the start of, for me and for many pagans, the cusp of the new year.

Hello Mel and Laura and thank you for your comments~ its lovely to come here and find familiar faces still here reading my words xx

~samhain~

 

samhain blessings my friends

 

i hope you all had good celebrations

 

my plan for a fire was foiled by heavy rain but i managed to light all of the lanterns in the garden and had lanterns and candles in my home.

my altar was decorated with photos of my ancestors.

 

so we are now at the time to turn inwards, a time of the ancestors, for divination, for dreaming and vision work~inner journeys to seek the wisdom you hold within yourself.

 

we have the dark days ahead to renew our souls~we can achieve this renewal through rest, sleep, meditation while our seed intentions incubate.

 

it is the cycle of change and renewal~we must accept the death of the old, the darkness in order to reach the new start in the spring.

 

***

 

i have been unwell this week, a combination of migraine and bruxism, which always makes me miserable. i suffer with ocular migraines, suffering loss of vision in one eye at the start of a migraine. usually this lasts 20-30 minutes leaving me with the classic migraine headache but this episode of lost vision lasted for about 16 hours...which isn't normal...now its over its easy to forget it and not consider going to see my doctor. i know i should but i think i will just monitor and see how many more i have over the next month.

 

its a dark, grey day today and i have done little except sit with my heated neck pillow around my neck, inhaling the lovely aroma of lavender.

 

on wednesday i popped to my yarn shop~honoras~in Christchurch while we were out shopping and bought myself two balls of rowan felted tweed in bilberry and avocado to make myself a lovely prayer shawl.

 goddess knows how long it will take me to make but i know it will be beautiful when finished...i shall post some pictures next time!

 

 

 



~earth pathways & mead~

i popped into one of our neighbouring villages burley yesterday with swampy to buy my 2011 copy of the Earth Pathways Diary

of course if i had my wits about me i would have avoided burley like the plague this weekend of all weekends.

for those of you who do not know, burley has a very long history connected to witchcraft and this was where sybil leek lived for a while.

so this 'halloween' weekend the place was running with children and a few adults in fancy dress~sensibly we parked up in the woods a short walk from the centre of the village and so enjoyed a walk among the trees.

The place was heaving and instead of being able to have my usual peaceful browse in a coven of witches i quickly scurried in picked up my diary and a copy of pagan dawn, paid and hurried out again.

then i battled the crowds to make my way to the shop that sells fruit and vegetable wines to buy my samhuinn tipple~a bottle of locally made mead.

the rest of the day passed peacefully, a walk in the woods with flynt~who was a bit of a monkey and would not go back on his lead to come home, and i ended the day in bed, wrapped in prudence looking through my new diary and reading pagan dawn

~a week~

its been a lovely week here in the forest~chilly with lots of blue sky and sunshine and heavy frosts. just perfect for me.

too cold to go out in my pyjamas i took this through the window!

i have been busy in the evenings, working to finish the scarf i am crocheting from the shadow tweed
all being well i shall put the finishing touches to it today.

i have also been slowly putting things out to celebrate samhuinn

these were given to us from my mum who bought them in the village~today i will put out the rest of my collection.

we put up some shelves this week~the box has a twin that sits next to it, they both hold my crochet projects.
the other shelf has evolved into cody's shelf~his kong and bear i brought him from new york and the box that holds his collar and other little items. the fluffy bear was a gift my sister had bought him while in california a few days before we lost him.

our room does not look as bare as the photo hints at.
the shelves sit in a alcove to one side of the fireplace and the wall is a chalky grey while the fireplace wall is a warm sage green.
i have lots of plants and blankets and candles which makes the room feel very cosy~i wish i could convey this in photos...i guess there is a project for me!

to celebrate the ever increasing cold and the long dark nights i have been burning candles that bring the scent of cinnamon, cloves and oranges into the house in green and blue glass holders to they send out lovely jewel like lights...

...and yule came early with the sampling of this swedish festive drink

it tasted of burdock and was very enjoyable~so i shall be buying a few more to put away in my yule cupboard

~*~*~*~*~

i have been going for walks twice a day with swampy and flynt.
i am in a bit of a catch 22 situation~my m.e and fibromyalgia gives me constant exhaustion and pain but my diabetes and high cholesterol means i need to have some exercise.
so off i go each day~luckily we live in a truly beautiful place and the forest is on our doorstep.
its easy to ignore aches and pains when there is so much to see and appreciate

the pigs are still out for pannage and we met this lovely one when heading out for one of our walks~busy eating all the acorns under the oak. on our way back he/she had moved on in search of more food or to find its bed for the night among drifts of leaves and bracken.



sorry, fuzzy again as i forgot the camera~i always see exciting things when i forget it~

~first frost~

*its here*
samhuinn is knocking at the door
~the Indian summer has passed us by and we have had our first frost~

yesterday we walked flynt about 4pm and we were in a shallow valley up on the high heathland~it was cloudy and the wind seemed to come rushing from nowhere and we were so cold.

so cold in fact we cut our walk short to hurry home.

this morning we went out again and although there was no wind it was so chilly~chilly enough to make me smile and embrace the coming months.

the trees here are full of fruit~laden with fruit~the red rose hips and hawthorn berries glow in their hundreds from the trees.

it was the same last year and i remember saying to swampy how we were in for a hard winter~and we did.
layers of ice covered other layers of frost and snow until the whole village was a skating rink of thick ice, covering every path, every road and it lasted not days but weeks.
we could not drive out of the village and at night, standing in the garden, we could hear loud cracking sounds and see continuous bright flashes in the sky. the next day i found it was the tracks of the railway freezing.

*i feel that this year will be the same*

i am starting to feel so exhausted right now~not just tired but the same bone deep weariness i had when i was first diagnosed with m.e... and cold, really cold...

right now i am sitting on the sofa, in my pyjamas, wrapped in my brown wool poncho and a sarong i have always used as a scarf~its size means it is big and comforting~i have a cup of 'tranquility' tea on my little side table.

~***~

i am really feeling this period between samhuinn and the coming solstice
things are getting darker and darker
the oak has finally lost almost all its leaves~i can now sit and look at it and see the birds sitting in the branches~a few weeks ago they would still be vanishing into the green.

i feel dark in the way the world is heading towards its darkest before the returning light
i am slowing as the world slows to its brief stop at the solstice~but i am enjoying the slowness and dark and not feeling caught up in the usual pre-christmas rush. living in a small village that is some miles distant from its nearest surrounding villages we are buffered against the consumerism found in towns and cities so a serenity surrounds me like a warm ,wool blanket...

this darkness is not one to be afraid of, its one to be embraced and explored~like with the inner journeys we may make to meet with our ancestors and deities

~samhuinn blessings~

we find ourselves at one of the in-between times, a time when all times are one~to those who follow a celtic path the new year dawns.

the end of a cycle and the promise of the begining of another that awaits us at the solstice~giving us time to let pass on those things we no longer need.

we welcome the change, not figting against it, welcoming the dark nights~the big oak is still holding onto some of its leaves, but maybe not for much longer, for the predicted high winds tonight may well persuade it to finally let go of the summer.

this last week i have been unwell, really unwell and i have felt myself drawing inwards, gazing out at the trees that have lost their leaves, watching the oak slowly shed more and more~its outline from my bedroom window vanishing slowly and leaving me with bare branches.

a time to let go of grief and know those who have passed to the summerlands are experiencing new joys with those who made the journey before them...

i am feeling somewhat better today, still feeling unwell but able to make the pumpkin pies i have been promising myself~the smell here is wonderful, i wish you could smell them.

*~*however you spend your day and with whatever celebrations i hope your day is full of joy*~*