rise and root



The Flame Haired Solstice Dreamer

Cold winter brings the Everfrost and jewels every tree
In a forest new as birth and old as old can be
A flame~haired dreamer wanders there and shelters from the wind
And spins her dreams around the trees to break the ties that bind
She takes her thread and spins anew and how the Greenwood smiles
As she spins a spell for freedom and for her spirit Wylde

The dreamer finds an ancient oak and shelters in his lee
In a forest new as birth and old as old can be
Tis summer now and birdsong weaves its magick through her spells
And humming bees drum drowsily in the foxglove's bells
The dreamer sits beneath the oak with yarn upon her knee
And spins and knits and weaves her dreams and sets her spirit free

"When birds fall from the sky and the animals are dying, a new tribe of people...shall come unto the earth from many colors, classes, creeds, who by their actions and deeds shall make the earth green again. they will be known as the warriors of the Rainbow"

Hopi Prophecy

~sheer terror II & honest blogger alert~

well now, the posts of mel and juliana at shakti mama has got me to thinking.

i never really put myself out here~i put up random shots of myself, usually involving my green boots or birkenstocks but never anything else.

of course it is because i have low self esteem and every photo taken makes me look and therefore feel about a gazillion stone in weight,even smiling makes it even worse in my eyes.

i can feel good about myself and then catch my reflection in a window or mirror and the good feelings crash around me and i withdraw.
i always, well nearly always, compare myself to others~why can i not embrace difference?!

but the good thing is i feel good about myself more than not~just so long as i don't catch the dreaded reflection!
i even remember some nice comments made to me~a chap called alex once told me he thought my eyes were amazing~to me they are just my eyes but it was nice of him.

i suppose like many of us my insecurities grew from thoughtless comments when i was much younger~comments about my name or how pale i was or that i had a weird smile~those comments just seem to travel with us don't they?
i guess the people who made these comments would forever be unaware of how how hurtful they had been.

well out came the camera and, like mel, i took many and slowly worked my way through to find the one or two i was happy with~even now i don't think they reflect the real me~they are posed self-portraits~

now can i tell you why i don't like these photos?
my hair is fuzzy because i washed it yesterday and it always takes a day or two to get back to normal!
i am half frowning at the effort its taken to get a photo and pink because its a mighty warm day today
i am wearing a ratty dull top~yuk and look grumpy~well not grumpy just solemn

now there is a photo i like and i admit i like it...

this is a self portrait atop the Rockefeller center, New York last year and is more 'me' than the other two i have here~the only difference is my hair is longer and the natural red has been bleached by our hot summer sun.

~this is me~


Mel said...


Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!!

I'm so proud of us!!

I hate 'posed' shots as a rule..I almost never like them of myself....the 'natural' ones, the ones taken without me knowing always turn out better. Must be something in that.

You're gorgeous in ALL of those, btw...


Skye said...

You're beautiful.

Kath said...

It was Alison Stormwolf who said "Loving myself
has been such a challenge". I think most of us would identify with that XX

laoi gaul~williams /I\ said...

thank you my lovlies and kath that quote is just perfect :)

{hugs to you all}

Nellie said...

Declare your gorgeousness from the rooftops dear lady! Sometimes ourselves can be the hardest person in our lives to love but other people see our wonderfulness much more clearly.
I think the fluffy hair is lovely - just like a halo :)

You have the green man oracle :) Me too! How do you use yours?

Nellie x

Laura said...

i love your photos! and i agree with almost everything you said. i have very low self esteem and is the reason i can't stand to be on the picture being taken side of the camera...hooray for you :)

Juliana Crespo said...

Your blue eyes and red hair are beautiful! I've always loved women with this look and have wished sometimes that I were one of them! So striking and powerful. I like the piercings too ;).

I was telling Mel that I was teased a couple of times by boys I had crushes on ... one called me Pinocchio (my nose is quite strange-looking) and another called me something I don't care to mention because I'm still embarrassed about it! So, it does stay with us ... sadly. I really do think though that boys just like to tease the more sensitive girls (I was one of them).

But, doing things like this is so empowering, and look at you, you are lovely with your piercing blue eyes. My daughter has blue eyes ... strangely enough ... and they are beautiful ... but they could still change colors.

Anyway, I love your blog and the feel of it! I plan on coming back :).

Chatters said...

Yeahhhh red hair and blue. I have red hair and green eyes.

I think you are beautiful and I love your hair.

Crystalrainbow said...

Shall i tell you why i love them pics :) because your hair is fuzzy, because your frowning at tryin to get a pic via a mirror lol and beacause your pink due to the heat :) beacause your you and you are beautiful :) x x x x

All things share the same breath~the beast, the tree, the man, the air shares its spirit with all the life it supports.

Chief Seattle

Johney Gaul~1915

Johney Gaul~1915
1890-17 september 1918~France