rise and root



The Flame Haired Solstice Dreamer

Cold winter brings the Everfrost and jewels every tree
In a forest new as birth and old as old can be
A flame~haired dreamer wanders there and shelters from the wind
And spins her dreams around the trees to break the ties that bind
She takes her thread and spins anew and how the Greenwood smiles
As she spins a spell for freedom and for her spirit Wylde

The dreamer finds an ancient oak and shelters in his lee
In a forest new as birth and old as old can be
Tis summer now and birdsong weaves its magick through her spells
And humming bees drum drowsily in the foxglove's bells
The dreamer sits beneath the oak with yarn upon her knee
And spins and knits and weaves her dreams and sets her spirit free

"When birds fall from the sky and the animals are dying, a new tribe of people...shall come unto the earth from many colors, classes, creeds, who by their actions and deeds shall make the earth green again. they will be known as the warriors of the Rainbow"

Hopi Prophecy


~thank you all for your kind comments~they are all very much appreciated~

*what i didn't say in that post was that i have terrible claustrophobia!*

this meant that the night before my MRI i was awake having horrid thoughts of being in a small tube and not being able to get out.

so you can imagine the state i was in by the time i was called through.
the team were really nice however and gave me a guided tour of the MRI and showed me that in fact once in position my head would almost (notice i say 'almost') be totally clear of the other end of the machine~not too bad...but that's not the point~i would be confined in a small tube with no easy and instant means of escape.

they did tell me to keep my eyes closed as they put me through so that i didn't panic, although i admit once i opened my eyes at the other end my head wasn't as clear of the tube as i would have liked and so i ended up having to crane my neck back so i could stare at the ceiling.

i was in there for about 45 minutes and even now thinking about it my chest goes all tight with fear~from the moment i opened my eyes in there i was close to the edge of all out panic attack, even to the point of wondering if i would be able to squirm my way out of the machine at the head end~made worse when i realised i was actually strapped to the bed.
even the emergency button i had clutched in my hand was not enough to stop the rising fear inside of me, for even by pressing it, i would not instantly be free.

throughout i had my eyes fixed on the few ceiling tiles i could see and the speaker~i had ear defenders on because it was so loud but it sort of occupied my mind a little because the noises changed with each scan.

however even that was not plain sailing for one of the longer scans sounded just like a clown laughing over and over again and wouldnt you know it i suffer not only with claustrophobia but coulrophobia~the fear of clowns...oh yes!
i cannot look at them in pictures or on the screen and even thinking or writing about them makes me anxious

so there i lay with that fist of panic in my chest rising with the thought that any moment now a clown would pop its head either from the ceiling tile or appear in the room at my head.

the relief when the voice in the ear defenders told me it was all over was immense.

i do know if i ever have to have another one, involving not having my head free, then they would have to knock me out good and proper!


now iam in a sort of limbo~but at least things will be clearer come tuesday


Kadeeae said...

Very, very brave :)

I can't even imagine the relief you must have felt when you finally were 'released'!

I share your fear of clowns, I can look if they aren't dressed as clowns and the make up isn't very good. But if they're dressed as one, with good make up (and that dreaded white face!), I'm a mess!

Will be thinking of you on Tuesday....

Twiggy said...

Blimey, I had to have an MRI on my back about a year ago, it covered my head down to just above my knees. It was horrid as I am claustrophobic too. When it finished I burst into tears and the nurse said, you should have said, you could have gone in the other way round, so your face wasn't covered - arghhhhh!!
twiggy x

Laura said...

i hope you get good news on tuesday...i'll be thinking about you. i had an mri last night and then had to go back today so they could have a closer look at "something"...urgh


Tina said...

Oh my what a horryfing experience this must have been, hope too that this results in good news!

All things share the same breath~the beast, the tree, the man, the air shares its spirit with all the life it supports.

Chief Seattle

Johney Gaul~1915

Johney Gaul~1915
1890-17 september 1918~France