~getting on~

here I am again and again weeks have passed with nothing from me.

I am trying hard to have some kind of consistency in my writing here, in my life but find it so difficult.

I have the odd day where I will feel as if I am gaining some form of control but it doesn't last and I find myself back to square one.

as the weeks have passed we have lost the grip of winter and spring has come to my corner of this ancient forest and my garden is looking better now we have some colour.

I had swampy move my bench against the fence under the boughs of oak and rowan so that in the spring and summer I will be able to sit under the green leaves and have a different view of our garden. because we are unable to grow grass (we think that when this little area of land was changed from a farm to houses the builders left something under the ground that makes it impossible for grass to grow) we have put down bark chippings at the top of the garden, however this isn't well because flynt enjoys chewing it up and having already paid many hundreds of pounds having a piece of tennis ball from his tummy we don't fancy another such incident so we will be buying some slabs and paving the area and making another two flower beds instead. we would love grass but having spent 8 years and a lot of money trying we have finally admitted defeat.