~catch up~

So again I leave a long gap between posts, when i had vowed to myself to start my old school blogging on a regular basis.

since my last post my North Star and i took ten days off of work and took ourselves and our 'new' RV off to Cornwall. we had a few days camped up between Boscastle and Tintagel, walking the Cornish Coastal path to get to both. Then we re-located closer to home-a site in forest only a few miles from my home. but it could have been a hundred miles away.
we felt so happy there we extended our stay twice-only returning to our lives the day before we were due back to work.

we had one hard day-actually one hard hour, on the day we left Cornwall. we were having ongoing mechanical problems with the RV and a small hiccup just got the better of him. my response was to stay calm, start packing to leave and tea.
oh the tea-the source of all problem-solving.

I made two cups, went out and silently handed him his cup and took mine to the top of the cliff overlooking the wild cliff and sea and the start of the walk through Rocky Valley. I slowly sipped my tea, let the tears fall and then said my goodbye and went back up to find NS.
I did and he took my hand, looking tearful and apologised for his behaviour and asked me not to cry.

An hour later we stopped off down the road to find coffee and he asked, almost sounding like a little boy, totally unsure, if I still wanted to continue our holiday-of course I did and I am glad I did.

I would post some photos but as I am using my little notebook for this I have no photos~and I am sure most of you reading this are either from IG or FB then you have already seen them!

we spend every weekend together and recently I have been dropping him off at his truck on sunday then driving home. I always put in my earphones for the hour drive back home so I a have a good sing-as I left NS said 'be careful sweetheart-I will ring you in half an hour' true enough my music was cut into and this voice went 'you 'aw'right then?' we had a brief chat and he then said 'I will phone you in half an hour'...half an hour later my phone went just as I was leaving the motorway and he said 'text me as soon as you are home'

this man breaks my heart-not literally, not in a dreadful way but if I find myself dwelling on his past, I feel my heart break. Little things pop out that remind me of his dreadful past, sometimes he will talk about it. things he has told me before but I feel if he needs to talk about it again then I will listen-even if he tells me it a hundred times, I will listen and respond, if it helps him.

i had an almost idyllic childhood, brought up free in the new forest, family holidays, things bought for me, encouraged and loved-to hear of a childhood where you were not wanted, were never given baths or clean clothes, were beaten and taken out of the family home is beyond my comprehension...