rise and root



The Flame Haired Solstice Dreamer

Cold winter brings the Everfrost and jewels every tree
In a forest new as birth and old as old can be
A flame~haired dreamer wanders there and shelters from the wind
And spins her dreams around the trees to break the ties that bind
She takes her thread and spins anew and how the Greenwood smiles
As she spins a spell for freedom and for her spirit Wylde

The dreamer finds an ancient oak and shelters in his lee
In a forest new as birth and old as old can be
Tis summer now and birdsong weaves its magick through her spells
And humming bees drum drowsily in the foxglove's bells
The dreamer sits beneath the oak with yarn upon her knee
And spins and knits and weaves her dreams and sets her spirit free

"When birds fall from the sky and the animals are dying, a new tribe of people...shall come unto the earth from many colors, classes, creeds, who by their actions and deeds shall make the earth green again. they will be known as the warriors of the Rainbow"

Hopi Prophecy


over the last few months i have not been...right

not myself

not on the outside

nor even just below the surface

but deep inside of me

sometimes i feel as if i am back to being a teenager, being told what to do, it feels like me is being slowly stripped away until there is nothing left but a husk of me, a husk that obeys and keeps quiet to keep peace

i have slowly become more tearful~sometimes for no reason other than because i feel so awfully, dreadfully fed up~i sit here now holding back the tears

there are times when i can no longer force myself to smile, even if its a pretend smile, i just want to sit and not be
or the easier thing of going to bed to sleep so everything goes away and i can lose myself in dreams-bed time is a relief of laying in the dark with my radio

some mornings i wish i could just continue sleeping so i didnt have to think

its hard seeing people, although luckily i dont see many, and having to slip into my happy personality~i just want to be

i no longer feel i have the energy to spare on being the pretend me


Rowan said...

Have you talked to Swampy about this Laoi? It sounds as though you need some help though I'm sure a lot of it is the cold and short days of the winter affecting you. Do talk about this to someone though. Life is full of wonderful things, try and think about all the nice things in your life - Cody, the beauty of the countryside around you and many other things I'm sure. Take care.

twiggypeasticks said...

I felt like this about 10 years ago poppet and finally went to see my doctor after much sadness. At the time I had a very pressured job, my Dad was very ill and the doctor said, you've burnt yourself out. I walked from my job, reassessed my life and what I wanted and never looked back. I still have my sad times (PND was a shocker)but nothing like as bad as I was. Talk to someone, who isn't close to you, a doctor, the Samaritans, when you feel more in control of your sadness, you will start feeling like yourself again.
twiggy x

Jopan said...

Yes I agree with twiggypeasticks and rowan. Those things you wrote about, it sounds like depression; perhaps you should think about doing something differently, or perhaps going on a little trip away for a few days would do the trick. I know that with your not wanting to see people this sounds like madness but I’ve been depressed and you have to force yourself to meet new people and do new things; Always a better solution than medication.

miss*R said...

I am similar to you.. I use to think I was manic depressive or bi-polar but then discovered the Moon affects me and I have slowly learned to be with it.. a book called Dark nights of the soul by Thomas Moore has helped me alot..

you say that you want to be you.. the real you, the authentic you... another book that has helped me is Simple Abundance.. a brilliant book...

it is a difficult path that we walk dear Laoi... but I am here with you.. an email away, just like you have been for me in the past xo ~ sending much love & light to you always

spirit said...

I wonder if it could be connected to your M.E...Do you also feel like your in a trance sometimes and things happening around you are surreal.And, that although you love your family and they are there for you , still feel in some way isolated or controlled? I ask, as a dear friend has ME and empathises with your situation.I too hope that you are soon feeling back to your own self Laoi...big hug xx

Moonroot said...

I hope it helps to know that there are many of us out here in blogland sending you love & blessings.

All things share the same breath~the beast, the tree, the man, the air shares its spirit with all the life it supports.

Chief Seattle

Johney Gaul~1915

Johney Gaul~1915
1890-17 september 1918~France