rise and root



The Flame Haired Solstice Dreamer

Cold winter brings the Everfrost and jewels every tree
In a forest new as birth and old as old can be
A flame~haired dreamer wanders there and shelters from the wind
And spins her dreams around the trees to break the ties that bind
She takes her thread and spins anew and how the Greenwood smiles
As she spins a spell for freedom and for her spirit Wylde

The dreamer finds an ancient oak and shelters in his lee
In a forest new as birth and old as old can be
Tis summer now and birdsong weaves its magick through her spells
And humming bees drum drowsily in the foxglove's bells
The dreamer sits beneath the oak with yarn upon her knee
And spins and knits and weaves her dreams and sets her spirit free

"When birds fall from the sky and the animals are dying, a new tribe of people...shall come unto the earth from many colors, classes, creeds, who by their actions and deeds shall make the earth green again. they will be known as the warriors of the Rainbow"

Hopi Prophecy

~the wet nose of the black dog~

so I have had a break
it wasn't just a break from blogging but from the internet, especially facebook but from the world in general.
its that old black dog putting his cold wet nose into my life again...or at least trying to.
I suppose it wasn't even a break~i just couldn't do anything.
oh I wanted to but just...couldn't.
i think i spent five days just on the sofa, not being able to focus on anything at all, wanting to do plenty but my heart and my mind were not in it.
its still there but today i forced myself into my room to catch up with friends on facebook and do some crafting...but really my heart has not been in it and all i created was something i am calling a 'frippery' something that is so far removed from the things i usually create that i will not even be putting it up for sale.
i am feeing so frustrated
i knew i was heading in this direction when a few weeks ago i started to wake up with a familiar feeling of dread/anxiety in my stomach...a feeling i knew so well.
the last time i woke like this i ended up one morning, dressed and ready for work with my car keys in my hand, sitting on the end of the bed in floods of tears, not able to leave my home.
i ended that episode, which lasted about 3 years, on lithium, which i stopped taking, and a year down the line i was back at work.
this past week i have wanted to spend my time shut away in bed with the covers over my head but i have been forcing myself up and trying hard to be...normal.
but this is my normal,
 well part of my normal anyway...i was writing in my journal last night...i think genetics has a big part to play in my depressive/anxiety ridden personality...
i sit and remember the depressive episodes my dad had where he would lock himself away in his own craft room and paint or read.
my aunty had an episode and was, i believe, sectioned for a while as she was a danger to herself.
my great, great, great granddad george chandler was, in 1871, listed in the census as an inmate of the Wiltshire county lunatic asylum  as a 'lunatic'...probably, i feel, some form of depression.
while not depressive my mum is a very anxious person and it is from she i get my ocd...yes i have that too.
on that note feel that is it for today...


Ambermoggie, a fragrant soul said...

So sorry to hear the black dog is visiting you, sending healing and positive vibes your way

jill said...

Oh poor you,I do feel for you.I got very depressed about 14yrs ago and couldnt go out for quite a while,I was frightened to bump into pepole I knew and them ask how I was.I had councelling and he started me on small walks until I was going back into the world again.It was a dreadful time not just for me but the children as well as they where only young.I do hope you feel better really soon and go out even if it is only into your lovely little garden and the beautiful countryside you have around you.Sending you lots of love and hugs,Love Jill xxx

Talysus said...

I have been reading your blog for a while, and follow Kit and Stonewylde too..
I just wanted to say; a) I know how you're feeling. I also have the same ups and downs, seemingly over a 2 or 3 year cycle, and am currently at the bottom hopefully on the way up. I don't think the long hard winter has helped, spring still has not sprung despite the equinox, and its so hard to keep hoping.
And b)your blog is 'so' inspirational. I read it at work during lunch and it gives me the boost, that despite the obligatory 9-5, and the drudgery, and the one day off a week, I can still follow my pagan path, I can still feel and participate in other people enjoying nature, and watching the seasons, and using their unique creativity to honour our mother and ourselves; your words and thoughts and the things you do are a very special insight, and a huge inspiration to those of us who follow this path.
Bigs hugs and blessings to you, I hope you feel better soon x

laoi gaul~williams said...

thank you ambermoggie, jill and talysus...and thank you talysus for introducing yourself :)
thank you so much for your kind words and i am so pleased that you find my place here an inspiration. i do hope you are on the way up now~i think this hard winter has been difficult for so many people.
tell me...are you on the stonewylde forum? feel free to email me your forum name if you are :)
blessings to you all xxoxo

Talysus said...


yes I am on the Stonewylde forum, but don't post very much at all, I don't know why! I'm Talysus Moon on there :-)

wendy said...

Hi, Laoi, i do hope you are feeling better soon, i do know a bit how you're feeling, i get depression sometimes, had it really bad a few years ago, it takes a long time to get out of sometimes. and , yes, this winter seems to have been a long hard road this year, sending you some positive thoughts and healing energies. Love Wendy

laoi gaul~williams said...

thank you wendy :)
talysus~i have sent you a friend request ;)

All things share the same breath~the beast, the tree, the man, the air shares its spirit with all the life it supports.

Chief Seattle

Johney Gaul~1915

Johney Gaul~1915
1890-17 september 1918~France