~all change~

well the changes to the land around me has prompted this 'autumn clean' of my blog~time for new back ground and colors to herald this time of contemplation and withdraw.

the last few months has once again seen my path come to a standstill and my thoughts turn away from the things i believe to more mundane, the ordinary.

maybe it was a natural standstill for my body in preparation for the inner contemplations to come over the coming months~the north wind that is covering the land is turning my mind inwards~focusing beyond the aches and pains my body brings me to reside in the 'other' me...

over the last few days there has been a shift within me~a feeling of settling down and the need to 'do'~my green man oracle has been calling me for days now although i have had a longing to go further along this path...

i am having a strong urge to change things within the home~to warm things up with strong autumn colors~to turn our home into a place of warmth and meditation.
at this moment it feels like a 'non' place~i imagine if i took out my dowsing rods today there would be confusion...

*its time to settle and focus and dream again*

~green man tree oracle~

i don't work with my tree oracle on a regular basis~more when i get a 'need' to do so~maybe this is me being told to when i need some direction.

i had that need the other day~i had one of those 'where to go next' feelings in my path,i need some direction and so these were the three that came to me...

at present i use the three worlds spread~it just seems to link nicely with the idea of land, sea and sky~birth, life and death, the upper world, middle world and lower world~the triskele

~the upper world card where we are given, or rather offered, knowledge and insight.

~the middle world with the awareness of the physical world we live in, our real life we move through every day.

~the lower world, the place of ancestral wisdom.
***

so here are the cards i pulled...


*scots pine~ailm*
the green man wisdom tells me to 'seek an overview', to see things clearly which will pave the way for my next steps.

*spindle~oir*
the green man wisdom tells me that 'destiny moves us to do great things', that our destiny is not laid out before us, unable to be altered but we need to find and follow our own destiny's theads by way of looking back on our experiences, our aims, wishes and gifts. that our greatest moments have woven themselves without our trying, when 'thought, mind and soul were one'.

*alder~fearn*
the green man wisdom tells me that 'defence keeps clear the territory', alder suggests that i need to defend my territory or to clear the path before me.



so now it is time to mull and ponder...

~& it lingers~

it was a wonderful day here in the new forest
after a night and day of rain and high winds we had a day of pale blue skies and a wonderful chill in the air...now the clouds are rolling in and i can hear the first drops of rain falling beyond my open window.

depsite the wind the oak is still hanging onto its leaves, although we have a wonderful pile blown onto our front garden, full of shades of red, gold and brown, of all shapes and sizes~i had a thought in the dark of night to gather a pile of my own, thread them as a garland and dry...for what purpose did this thought come to me i wonder?

my cough and cold is lingering, today, i think is day 13 and i am sitting here huddled under my brown wool poncho, a warm scarf of faded, green, ever-so thin, wool wrapped around my neck...and my Birkenstocks which i love as much as my gorgeous green boots...

i have been miserable for days now, miserable at being ill~ became more miserable when my moontime threw itself at me with pain and sickness.
i am not one of those women who embrace their moontime, to me it is nothing but pain and misery and i long for the crone to approach.

that is easing now and i am left with my 'cold'...for is it my cold or just one of my symptoms of m.e being particularly nasty at this time? these days i find it hard to differentiate between my m.e and 'other' illness.

no i think it was/is a run of the mill cold that is lingering because i had used up my resources when i was away. to me this is how it works~i have limited resourses and it takes very little to use them and then force myself to 'run on empty', pushing and pushing until something gives way and i develop some other viral infection.

i am still feeling miserable.
i am sorry, i am sure you did not come here to read of misery...but then in the tradition of an honest blogger we can all feel free to have a little moan now and then!

i have also been feeling spiritually adrift, as happens to many of us on our paths sometimes do, the things that are important seem to be taken over by the more mundane~everyday 'normal' life pushes through our boundaries and we start to drift.

but then as always i am given little reminders that pull me back on my path...i look at the last oracle card i drew sitting beside my bed~its time to draw another~my alters, both inside and out, need some care, need a change to reflect the new year facing me...its time to adopt a new routine that allows for all that is in my life and time to stop being wasteful of precious time.

~blackberry & star ridden skies~

it seems like forever since i last wrote here, but it surprised me when i realised it was only a matter of days~i promise i will catch up with all you lovely bloggers very soon!

its been one of those weeks~it started great and then dissolved into one of upset and bad feelings~family problems of course, what else can produce such feelings?!

i needed some direction with this and so i worked with my tree oracle and blackberry came to hand~an odd one i thought and it took some work to understand it but finally realised that i was being told to take a step back, to step away from the situation in order to protect myself, that i had to let the situation as it was to develop and resolve itself without me.
it certainly makes sense for several times this past week i have said to myself and to others that i just don't have the spare energy to deal with the anger of others. i have too much to deal with myself~with my studies and up and coming hospital appointments~and i need to keep my energy for myself right now.

is that a selfish thing to be doing i wonder?

should i be more supportive?

the trouble is i feel that the situation i have been put in is as piggy in the middle~i hear things form both sides and try to support both sides but now don't want to hear anything for i don't know who or what to believe and i just feel its draining me.
i also don't think its going to be something that will go away without a fight, in fact i don't think it will ever go away, its just too deep.

*~*~*~

i was up early this morning~it is my moontime and so by 4am i really needed a hot water bottle for my back and some pain killers and cody had the fidgets. he had been eating grass yesterday and so i thought it would be a good idea to let him into the back garden.
i went out with him and as is my way i turned up to the sky and was given a wonderful clear, star filled sky~a blanket of silver lights draped above my head...
it really did take my breath away and gave me the first real sense of peace this week.
right now it is still dark beyond my window~the sky is just turning a deep blue, but a blackbird is in fine tune in the tree outside.

*~*~*~