~mabon blessings~

here we are at the turn of the wheel as we celebrate mabon, the autumn equinox.

last night i did a full five card reading of my shamans oracle asking about my path through the coming dark months ahead of us.

this morning i was hanging out washing under the brilliant blue sky, brother sun is not giving out his heat as strongly now, but my washing is still drying under his gaze.

i gazed around at my garden, at the final bursts of colour that are still attracting the bee's, at the seed heads, at the growth that has become brown and is returning to the earth, at the grass that is patchy, the seed pods hanging from the sweet pea i had growing in an old milk churn.

there is a stillness i am enjoying, this ancient forest is slowly shaking off the tourists that take over each year and when walking through the woods the air is no longer rent with shouting, talking...

i have been away from here as we had our yearly trip to the malverns for busfest where i relished living in Lilith for ten days~days that i spent reading, cycling around the show ground, sitting with friends around a fire in the evening...

 i put up my bunting made by robyn, my soul syster...

set up my altar space...

coming home i keenly feel the loss of having friends around me, its the same feeling i have after the moongazy gathering each may.

to come home to my real, solitary life where i become just the cared for/the carer.

i miss the conversation and laughter of others, the laughter around the fire as night falls, music...so much.

here, now i feel i have no direction and no purposeful life and i am struggling.

right now i am struggling not to lock myself in my bedroom and cry-as i said, struggling.

one bright spark was my sister bring me these back from San Francisco for me...

i have wanted this deck for a long, long time but held back ordering them online because i was not sure of customs. when i heard S was off to America and having her usual few days in San Francisco i was leaping for joy when i found three stores in the city selling this tarot.

they are such a beautiful deck and i am getting to know them a little each day.