*recycling myself*

i think this virus has us all in a tail-spin.

can we?

cant we?

should we?

i am lucky, I have been staying at home for the majority of the time and its only in the last few weeks that i have started to go out and get my shopping, was able to get my overdue eye test done last week and even stopped by a book shot to treat myself to a new notebook.

but its still all different-i nearly cried while i was standing outside the opticians-we no longer have the freedom of movement, to walk in and out of shops as we please, we have to become accustomed to queuing to get into shops, to remember not to get too close to people...its a whole new world, but not a brave new world.

***

i have also been restless and feeling very discontent with my cottage. 

No, not my cottage, but by my own listlessness. 

While i was in the last year of my degree my whole time was consumed by putting as much work as possible into my work, to get the grades needed to do my MA. As a result i still have boxes that have not been unpacked from February 2019, stacked up in hidden places and little bits of 'junk' that i tell myself i am keeping for 'sentimental' reasons. These things are just sitting in boxes, not put out on display, but tucked away, hidden...gathering dust.

For the past two weeks i have been thinking about having a good de-clutter and now  am physically registered for my MA  suddenly realised that i have three months to get my home in order-to clear out the clutter. i realise the clutter makes it hard for me to dust and keep the place tidy-i don't want total minimalism, just to have things easy to keep tidy and fresh.

And this then made me realise i need to give my life a good haul over the coals-lock down has made me lazy...not so much lazy as listless, my eating habits have become shocking, weight has been piling on, i feel dreadfully tired and my soul journey has halted. Its as if i am just surviving, no longer living and breathing-i have become a hermit. To the extent i no longer even sit in my garden-using the excuse that Cookie will feel neglected if i go and sit outside.

so yesterday i started to de-clutter.

i made a start in the bedroom, sorting out my old university books, making room for them on one of the bookshelves in my bedroom, cleared off the top of the chest of drawers and re-arranged one corner of the room to make it easier to hoover and clean.

then i hit the kitchen

i have a long kitchen built up into the roof of the original one up-one down groom's cottage laid with long, old oak boards. what i call the non-kitchen end has two small windows, each set with six panes of slightly wavy old glass. this is going to be turned into my study area for the duration of my MA. i have set up my printer on the top of an old chest of drawers and at the weekend will be setting up a bookcase to divide my study area from the kitchen.

i cleared and organised three of my kitchen cupboards, took things down and washed them, re-arranged some things and cleared all my work surfaces (i am dreadful for cluttering)

tomorrow it will be the dreaded cupboard and under the bed in the bedroom

and i will be ruthless.

clothes that have not been worn in the last year will be bagged up for a time when they can go to a charity shop or recycling. i have promised myself not to overthink it either-it all has to go or actually be used by me.

this morning i went to the kitchen to make a mug of tea and found peace as i saw how clear and tidy it was

and it is that feeling i want to experience every moment, throughout my home...

*lock down-week three-morons ahoy*

well today is week three of the national lock down and week three of my 12 (i have diabetes and so running no risks whatsoever) weeks social distancing.

despite the daily toll of lives lost there are still utter morons who continue to treat this time as some kind of extended holiday and going to parks etc to enjoy themselves, sunbathe and not observe the appropriate social distancing.

and as for the lycra clad cyclists...don't get me started. 

While there are restrictions on how far we can actually go to have our one form of exercise a day these idiots seem to treat the forest as their personal Tour De France. 

I had to go and pick up my shopping last week and involved a longish drive through the back roads of the forest and i passed maybe four cars.

cyclists however where ten a penny and given the remoteness of the forest i drive through were nowhere near their homes. 

they seem to think its acceptable to come out and do multiple miles through the forest and one of them, on an open, deserted part of the forest...hearing the one car driving up behind them...steered themselves into the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and sat there...for the first time in my life i beeped my little horn, urging them out of the way.

i think i can safely say that being stuck in is starting to take its toll on me a little...only a little because as a natural self-isolater i am quite happy not going out. but at the same time...if i wanted to go out its not an option unless i go the the village shop/post office/butcher where only three people are allowed in and in  the few minute walk there the chance of actually passing one person is virtually impossible... 

*covid 19-lockdown*

back in the early 80's i was a youth member of CND and marched in london in 1983 in its largest ever march and spent quite a few years before the fall of the Berlin wall absolutely terrified of nuclear war.

now its a new form of terror and one that i thought i would never see in my lifetime

only a month ago, despite knowing of this virus, i was going about my daily life-my little part time job, undergoing the lengthy process of getting a second enhanced disclosure for a second job, doing my university work and enjoying weekends with my North Star.

now i have been in lock down for seven days, the first seven days of what i initially thought was 12 weeks social distancing because i have diabetes, m.e and fibromyalgia but now seeing the news i think this UK lock down will last longer. 

life has suddenly taken on a surreal hue

my North Star being a class 1 HGV driver is considered an key person as he will be driving medical supplies/ food and other essentials around the country and so yesterday found him taking a container of medical supplies into Devon and as i type he is driving back to southampton docks for his next container.

my sister brings me shopping when i need it-driving over from the village to where she and my mum lives five miles away, dropping it in my drive and having a chat at a safe distance.

my life, our lives are now full of fear and uncertainty...